Thursday, February 04, 2016


So even as I sorrow over the things in my life that I hoped for that didn't materialize, I spiritually rejoice over the ones I hoped for that I escaped.  Combined, are two of the Biggies: Bernie Madoff, and Richard Dreyfuss who portrays him this evening on TV.
       Richard Dreyfuss, the young actor as he was then, was a combination of what I had once hungered for the most, a really cute, talented guy, who seemed, because of his talent, sexy, and Bernie Madoff, the investment banker, as he (again) seemed to be, who captured (temporarily) what magnetized my mom.   She gave him all (or what appeared to be) all her money, and got him together with my cousin, Rodney Fink, (no, really, that was his name) from Pittsburgh, to get it back.  Which he did.  Amazing, actually, because Rodney was actually Rodney Fink from Pittsburgh, someone I believe only went to school and learned about finance because he had been left the funds for scholarship, which I don't think he was deeply drawn to, by either Puggy or Rita's husband Eddie, who had died young and unexpectedly successful.  Except that he died, of course. That's always got to be a sad turn in the road.
     So there was Bernie Madoff with all my mother's money, not to mention the Jackson Pollock's Blue Unconscious.  And my cousin Rodney went to see him to get her money back, when Bernie told him all the millions she would make.  But Rodney said "I'm sorry , Mr. Madoff, I'm from Pittsburgh," and left with a check.  That cleared. 
    I think I had the equivalent relationship with Dreyfus.  If you could count it a relationship.  I was at some kind of retreat, as I remember, probably incorrectly, and left early to catch up with Richard, whom I remember as a friend, probably incorrectly, and joined him and made him an offering of some many thousands of dollars, which caused him to weep in gratitude, so he could do what he aspired to do-- I can't remember what that was at all.  But I thought him smart and gifted, correctly, and imagined he would use it to do what he really wanted-- I don't think he knew what that was at all, besides being a sexual  rake, as he imagined he was, though not with me.  I wasn't attracted to him at all, except as the gifted actor he was, albeit short.
     But some months, or maybe years later, when I was straightening my bad turns in the road, and Jamie was helping, I got my money back.  He was really pissed.  A role he acted convincingly.
    Anyway, he's very good as someone devious.