So I sit here in Self-Absorbed LA trying to care less about Self, but afraid to think too much about or pay too much attention to what appears to be happening. Having been many things in Life, or having tried to be many things, most important of which, I still think and hope was Human Being, I am covered with a sense of not-quite-yet-but-could-soon-be Terror, actually turning on the TV which I've never done of a morning, to check if there had been any new atrocity in the night that wasn't reported yet in The New York Times, pulled in from my not-quite stoop. I find myself particularly sad/puzzled about what might have been in the mind, if she had one, of this female terrorist, when it came to what might become of her baby. Where did she leave it? What did she plan, if she planned anything so well as her arsenal? What is this all about, and it can't have anything to do with a shared humanity, since that is a word that appears not to factor into what is going on.
So scary, and yet I am lucky enough to be in a place where no one seems tuned in enough to be scared, except of not receiving the next invitation. As you may know if you are generous of spirit enough to read this thing, I actually dressed to the eights(one short of the nines) for the party the other evening that wasn't there yet. In fact, the lovely and caring woman who has an unexpected core of Giving and Focus-on-Others, including ones who are actual dogs, was ready herself to attend the Event that wasn't there the next night that I saved her from, having attended it the night before when it wasn't there yet either. Understand that I understand how empty and superficial all this is, grateful to the core of my soul which I believe I still have, that I am in a position to be superficial. Those poor victims in San Bernardino weren't even on their way to anything.
What's worst about all this, in my estimation, is that we will never really know what was in the mind of the couple who perpetrated the violent obscenity. I am sad for Obama even as I want to punch him that he hasn't got the balls to be angrier, even as I know that anger is no solution. I suppose my fury is because I'd believed him at one point to be so eloquent, and I now hear how empty his words are.
Still I shall be off soon to the Beverly Hills Hotel for the Hanukkah Celebration which I never usually celebrate myself but passed a first installment of yesterday afternoon in Century City on my way to my Apple lesson which I still observe in case there should be a future I should comment on in some reasonable-trying-to-be-dispassionate way. I mean, I did go to Quaker Meeting on Sunday just in case there is a God, who must be so disappointed. December 7th, after all. Remember when wars seemed to be for a reason, even one that made so little sense?
