Am trying to find insight, brilliance, what I am hoping, praying I might even say, I was sent here for, struggling to believe there is a purpose. It has come to me only lately that it is actually late in my game, and I may not have a high reason for Being at all. I capitalize that because once I was a trying-to-be deeply thinking being I imagined, fantasied, insisted that all of this was for a Reason. That it might actually be random saddens me, and makes me want to give up. All the same I am hoping.
Still, I ate chocolate and cheese. My body awaits what I have done to it.
But today I picked up three recent Columbia graduates, and it gave me Hope. They are all of them bright-eyed. One is a champion athlete, a discus thrower if you can believe it. One is a do-gooder from India which I guess you'd have to be if you were smart and had a heart and came from India. She is going back home to enlist her community in making the world a better place.
The third is a patently open-hearted young woman who cares.
They are all three of them assets to the world, and I hope the world makes good use of them. I am proud to have met them and am glad I still have the chutzpah to engage strangers.
But they are gone. And it seems a form of extreme masochism to be in this land of a horrible sounding language, when there are so many I love and can speak, and so many beautiful ones I would like to learn.